Living my dream

Merge like a zip - what does it mean to you? A thought about perception.

How many times have you heard that saying? When joining the motorway, merge like a zip.

Hundreds? Thousands? But do you actually know what it means?

I was ranting to a friend recently about Auckland traffic and she and I had quite different ideas of what this means.

She said, something along the lines of yeah, people need to take those holes that open up. I was flabbergasted. WHAT? Those people are the ones that cause the problems.

Merging like a zip to me means going right to the end of the merging lane, and going between the cars that are there. Just like the zip below. If you take one of those gold bits out, it causes the zip to stop. 

So I got home and I googled and I found that in traffic management both ways are acceptable ways of 'merging like a zip', but the 'late' merge is much more time efficient and causes less hold ups. I felt a tiny bit vindicated. But it made me think....

Even before this communication miscommunication, I had another conversation with a friend years ago when we were explaining to a foreigner what 'Tall poppy syndrome" meant. She came up with a totally different version to what I thought. Again I went home and googled it. Thinking goodness me, how can we both get such different ideas to the same words. 

And this latest one (merging like a zip) has me thinking..... if we are all going through life, talking the same language, but meaning totally different things, how on earth are we all going to get on? And heaven forbid, what if we don't speak the same language and are trying to communicate? Well easy, we don't.

Add in things like the internet/email where we talk off the top of our heads without much thought going into it as we hide between our computer screen and quite frankly you have a mix which is ripe for disaster.

So here I am putting some thoughts out to the world, encouraging you to put a little more distance between your words and reactions. If we all took a little more time to question and understand each other, we might all get along a bit better too?

Side note: Nothing 'bad' has happened to me to write this, no falling outs, no issues. But it's really made me think about what we all say, and how it can be interpreted so very differently. Perhaps we all need to take the time to question more than try to solve/fix things that aren't actually fixable or needing to be fixed?

Have a wonderful issue free day all!

Stop feeling guilty Mums. Just stop.

I saw this idea about 6 months ago. I immediately gravitated to it. It's the type of thing I like to think I would do as a 'good' Mum. It's fun. It's exciting. It's long term. I decided that even though my kids were already born and lived many of their childhood years, I would do this.

6 months later, I see the idea again, I haven't done it. I think how amazing it would be to do and I start thinking of all the things I can add to the emails.

Then reality sets in.

1. You saw it 6 months ago and didn't do anything, why will you now?

2. What are you going to add?

3. If you start all three now, Dan will have more in his than the other two, that's not fair.

4. What on earth would I set their email as?

5. How will I remember to do this?

6. What if I forget?

7. I'm such a bad Mum.

8. Did I really just think that? Yes, I did. Because if I was a good Mum I would have started this 6 months ago and not forgotten.

And so it goes on. The guilt we bring on ourselves. The conversation above happened in about 10 seconds in my head. And to be honest, went on a lot longer and had a lot more negativity in it, than I'm showing you.

And I realised that actually I don't have to do this to be a good Mum.

WOW! What a revelation.

Yes, it is an AMAZING idea. Yes, it would be so much fun to do. Yes, it would be so fulfilling to see my children open up all those emails from years gone by.

But hey, I'm not super woman! Andy and I were just last night discussing how crazy life is right now. What with building and living in a rental and kids growing up and work and you know, we all live it right. The 'busy' syndrome is what I call it. And it's just not ok.  

I mean where would I get just another set of '5 minutes' (it's only 5 minutes a day right?! Ha!) to do it?

And then the 'positive' side of my brain kicked in.

"T, you know you're a good Mum right? You know you've already done this, just in a different way... right? "

"What do you mean?"

"Well, all those scrapbooks you've created. All those albums filled with pictures of your kids, pictures of their artwork, stories of their lives. That's the same thing".

"Oh, yeah! Right! But what if I hadn't done that? Why does doing this, making email addresses for my kids or scrapbooking make me a good Mum?"

"It doesn't."

"Huh?"

"Being a good Mum is about loving your kids. About being there for them. About helping them learn and grow. Teaching them right from wrong. Saying no. Saying yes. Being a good Mum is about jumping off flippin ridiculously high diving boards because you want to be part of their day. Part of their memories. Being a good Mum is just being you."

THAT conversation was a lot longer in time. There were a lot more gaps as my brain caught up with what it was saying to itself (yeah ok, I admit it, I talk to myself. A lot!). It was a harder conversation to have with myself.

Why is it so much easier to be negative to ourselves than positive? WHY?

And so I realised. I need to stop feeling guilty. I need to stop right now. And quite frankly so do you (yes, whoever you are reading this. You!).

We are doing the very best job we can do for ourselves and our kids. Right now. We are. And if we're not, then that's ok. We can take a deep breath. Ask ourselves. What can I do today? And tell ourselves that NO we don't have to feel guilty about the other days. The days that you literally fell asleep on the couch because you were so tired, or forgot to do something. Because those things and those days, although they feel like they happen all the time. Don't really. They are the few and far betweens. The love. The reliability of you being there for your kids every day. THAT is what the good bits are. That is what counts. And WE are doing it.

So. Stop. Put that guilty hat back in the cupboard and enjoy today for what it is. Cause this is our only today. This is our life. And just a heads up..... it's not a dress rehearsal. THIS IS IT.

Have a great day my friends. You are amazing! Tell yourself. Ok. Right now, out loud. "I am amazing"......and stop that guilt trip.

Later. 

 

Surviving the last few days of the school holidays.

Ok, so that sounds a bit over dramatic, but at times like this it can be! Grin.

I love my kids. Anyone reading my blog for a while now, will know that without fail.

However, I also like my own time. I'm can be quite selfish like that. And what I mean, is that unadulterated time where you get to choose what you want to do when you want to without having to think of anyone else. And I guess during term time, I get to do that. So by the end of the holidays, let's be honest, not only are the kids turning feral, we all are.

But for the next few days it's still school holidays. And if your kids are anything like mine, then they're getting ready to go back to school. They are bickering. They are bored. They are wanting to spend money. And they are generally ready for some structure.

So what I've found over the last few days is that they need a bit of structure in their play. They need a bit of adventure in their play. And, they need to be able to work it all out for themselves.

Here's an example.....

We went for an amazing walk in the bush. It was incredibly steep and by the time we finished we'd walked UP the equivalent of 38 flights of steps. HOWEVER, the kids loved it. They knew there was a beach somewhere down there at the bottom that we would all go for a swim at. They knew we had that as our goal. Also that we would have lunch down there. Another big goal! But I'll get to that in a minute. This was an adventure. Something we hadn't done before (or in a very long time). It was new to them. A little bit challenging. But also for me, it meant I got to exercise PLUS it was free!

Lunch. I got all the lunch items out. And all I heard were moans and groans. But as I left them to choose their lunch the moans stopped and they were happy. I need to learn they are growing up and can make a lot of decisions for themselves now. That the little bit of extra responsibility helps them and me.

So here's a couple of tips to help you in these last couple of days before school starts back:

1. Do something adventurous.

2. Give them some responsibility

3. Encourage them to come up with 'free' ideas that you can do together.

4. Be creative at home (my boys have spent the last two days making bows and arrows. It has kept them totally happy and entertained).

5. They've probably been spending a lot of time outside in this amazing weather we've been having (it's summer here), so it's ok, to let them have some down time. In fact I recommend it. Go to the library, get some books. Encourage them to read. Hire a movie, take a couple of hours out of the middle of the day when it's hottest and relax in front of the telly (not all day, but a couple of hours won't hurt!).

6. Get them to help you get them ready for school. Do you have all the stationary you need? Uniform? Shoes? Lunchbox? Drink bottle? Bag? Get them to make a list (with your help if needed) and then get them to work out what they still need. Then go out together and get those things so they feel totally prepared and ready.

7. Along the same lines, get them to do some baking that can be put into the freezer for their lunches. Ok, so they might not have done much before, but they will LOVE that they can tell their friends that made 'this' or 'that'. Plus it will keep them occupied for a good hour or so. PLUS, you get to teach them about cleaning up after (especially if they're anything like my bakers!). PLUS it's a cheap way of keeping them entertained.

8. Get them to google 'free things in ......' (your town), then get them to make a list of any that they might like to try. Go along. Check it out. Here in Auckland there are plenty of pools for the kids to swim in that are free. A great one is in Birkenhead, it's even outside. Or somewhere like the Art Gallery which had an amazing programme on this school holidays.

9. And/or to all the above. Just relax. Pull out the hose and get wet in your backyard. Go for a walk in your neighbourhood. Make daisy chains (yes, even if they are older, it's a great time to just sit and chat!). After all the fun over the school holidays, they might just be a little bit tired and need 'downtime' before they go back to school. Time to rest their minds. And in this 'go go go' world nowadays,  it's sooooooo ok to do that!

Have a fun last few days.

T

Disclaimer: I in no way claim to be a parenting expert. I get it wrong all the time. These are just a few little things I've found that have saved my sanity on occasion.

 

 

The Perfect storm - what happens when you have everything converging in one week

By now, most of you know that we're in the process of moving due to a new build happening where we currently live. It's been a long time coming and we've been through many highs and lows and I'm sure more are to come. But this last week has lead to extreme pressure as we need to be out of our house to move into the rental so the house can be moved off site.

But as with the movie "The Perfect Storm" sometimes timing could be better. This previous week has been shall we say hell on earth for me. Just about everything that could happen has happened this past week. It's been a real challenge.

Let me tell you about it.

A bit of background, we move on Wed. This Wednesday. That means we need to be packing up a house. Working out what we need in the rental and anything else goes into storage. Not a problem. You know I've been working on things for a while now and it's been good. BUT, add in the following and it becomes a little more than one person can cope with comfortably.....

1. A sugar free diet. Mmmmmm, yep back on that for the last 2 weeks. Not the easiest for an addict, but something that needed to be done for my health.

2. Andy traveling. Yeah. He left last Sat, only back this morning. So I had to run the house, pack the house and all the normal stuff in between. Oh . my . goodness!

3. I designed and packed a scrapbook class (instructions still to be written).

4. Packing up my 'now' scrapbooking. It took 3 days. Flippin heck! Oh yeah, and I did this before designing the class. Hmmmmm, didn't think through that did you Trina! LOL!

5. Having my garage sale - thank you all so much for coming along! - And don't get me wrong. I loved doing it and maybe will do another again one day, but this week was bad timing Trina. Sheez girl!

6. Fighting off a cold. My voice is going. My chest has been getting tight. ARGH! I think all the vit C I've been taking this week has had a huge effect on it not progressing too much! Thank goodness! Although if it does eventuate it will be the first one this year which is a miracle in itself! Yes!

7. We said goodbye to Bertie our chook who died yesterday. She was meant to be female but turned out to be male. And there are lots of funny stories to go with that. We'll miss him. A very sad time.

8. Dealing with kids who know they are feeling weird and sad and nervous, and acting up because of it. But they don't know why. It's easier for us we can put those feelings into words for a start, and then work out why we might be feeling that way. Littlies don't have that luxury so are having to feel their way through all the mess.

Hmmmmmm. Is that all? I don't know. But as you can see a bit of a mission for me this week.

Thankfully I did have help in the way of my sister taking the kids for a sleepover this weekend. Yay! Thanks sis! And of course Claire helped me set up the garage sale. I literally could not have done it without her. Thanks Claire!

Bring on this Friday when we're all moved and hopefully settled a bit more. I think we all need to feel a little more settled.

Embarrasing fluffs and the beginning of building stress....

The last few weeks have been a little challenging to say the least. Preparing for classes, numerous meetings with builders, consultants, architechts, landscape gardeners to name just a few. Plus of course the kids ski trip and 5 scrapbook classes and one cupcake decorating class. I was so glad to arrive home yesterday and know that I didn't 'have' to do anything.

But along the way, I've had some really embarrassing things happen and I thought you might like a little giggle at my expense, so here ya go....

First off, how about putting your hand up to help as a ski marshall but not being able to ski 'that' well (I'm capable, but don't like steep, narrow areas). I mean marshall's don't need to ski right, they just watch people skiing to make sure the rules aren't broken. Flippin heck, I went off to do my job (which once I got there was actually quite fun!) and couldn't get down the slope to where I needed to be! OMG. All these little kids from about 7 years up were racing down the slope and here I am standing at the top looking down wondering what on earth I'm going to do. Thinking "I didn't sign up for this!" In the end I kind of slid my way down and didn't make too much of a fool (well that's what I'm telling myself!) of myself. But boy did I feel small in front of those amazing little whipper snappers (my child included!).

Ok, while we're still down at the ski fields, how about staying on the mountain at a beautiful lodge, sharing with your children and their friends and their parents. I happened to have a small cold, not normally a problem right? But it meant that my normal snoring was worse. WAY worse. Like a frieght train. OMG. The poor woman who was sharing my room with me. Turned out I got to share my room with me myself and I for a night or so, she found somewhere else to stay! Oh dear. But what can you do?! I mean I can't help being sick. But soooooooooo embarrassing. Got to laugh right?!

Then yesterday I was feeling good. My classes went well, I had a wonderful time with friends and I just happened to be standing at the right spot that meant I got to be first on the plane (I like this, cause it means if the plane is full, you get to put your bags in the lockers without any issues. A trick I've learnt after many times flying!). Anyway, I'm sitting there minding my own business, when the lady who is sitting next to me arrives. No worries, she puts her bag away and I stand up and let her through. The next minute water is dripping down (FAST!) from the overhead locker. She panics and thinks it's her bag while I sit there feeling smug (I know! My first mistake right?!) cause I don't take water on a plane. But. It's not her bag. So whose is it?! OMG! It's mine! I had a bottle of water in there from yesterday. It was half full. Not any more! The water is everywhere. It's in my bag. It's in the overhead locker, it's dripping down on myself and other passengers. They stewards stop everyone else getting on the plane and everyones watching me, my neighbour and the air stewards cleaning up my mess! I sit back down and as everyone walks past they're talking about it and everyone knows it's me. Seriously! I could have just curled up in my seat with a blanket over my head!

I don't know what's going on, but anything weird or funny, it's gonna be me. And you've gotta laugh right?!

As for building, well, we've found a place to stay in for the build. Yay! It's not too far away and while it's not flash, it's really cute and we all fit in. Well, we do, the human part of our family. The cats will be fine, they're coming with us, but we've given some of our chooks away to be on 'vacation' until we're ready back at the new house. Then they'll come back home.

Normally we would have just left them at home and I'd come and visit each day, but having the landscaping being done in their area, we don't want them digging it up before it can establish itself, so our babies are out amongst a few friends. It's good, but we miss them. We only have 7 at home now which is so few. It really feels so very strange.

Then there is the moving of our current house off site. We'd arranged it through a company, and agreed on a time, then on Sat they ring and say it's really bad timing and don't know if they can do it when we need. Oh really?! Really? If that happens our whole plans are put back. Nothing can start until the house is gone. So I stress on it all weekend and think what can I do? Nothing. This is just the start. Literally the very beginning so just flick them an email, put all the agreements out in writing and see what they say and when it can be moved.

I get an email back, very kiwi like, saying "Jeez Trina, don't worry! It's all good" I love it. All that stress over nothing. So all back to plan. All ready to go end Sept/beginning of Oct.

I can imagine there are going to be a few (lots) of little hiccups like this over the next 10 months so I just need to learn how to deal with them. Here's hoping they are as easily solved at this first one.

Later.

 

Our House...

The other day on facebook I talked about houses and what we'd do for a rental. We're still working on that, but it made me realise how close we are to loosing our current house and getting a new one. I realised I needed to take some photos and write down some memories from this house. Our current home. Where my children have grown up. They will continue to grow here, but in a new way. So I wanted to ensure that the 'original' memories weren't lost.

To start.....

We moved into this house after a very short sale and settlement of our previous house and this one, when Dan was 6 months old (he's now 8, just), only 10 days before Xmas. From sight of this house to sale of ours, to moving in was all of 2 weeks!

At the time, we knew we loved this place for the land. The house was/is old and we would either rennovate or demolish and start again.

We gave ourselves a time line of 5 years to start the new plans, and were well on track until some stuff at Andy's work unsettled us and we put the whole project on hold. That was 2 years ago. Now we're ready to go again and hopefully in less than a month we'll be moving, as will the house.

This is from the front door. As I stand on the front door steps, I face out towards the road. Sarah's bedroom is right there next to me, and our bedroom is next to hers. To the left is our 'sleep out', more commonly known as the 'dumping ground'. It's roof is full of moss, and last year two wasp colonies made their homes between the sheets of tin on the roof. That shed is where I keep all my 'old' scrapbooking stuff, all my class stuff. It is horrible inside. Always a mess and very old. At the very beginning we did use it as a sleep out, but that soon changed as my 'hobby' took over.

Here are my crazy kids wanting to be in the photos. I love it.  You can see here how we've had to remove the original beautiful circular concrete stairs. We did this to get a digger past a little while ago. We put back these ugly, but usable stairs and our chooks promptly took to using the dirt underneath as their dirt bath. We tried to stop them (dust going everywhere), with the wood pieces, but they still keep finding little bits. I love it. Andy not so much. For a week or so, the chooks were laying eggs  behind that bush you can see in the corner by the chimney. Then one day a rat took an egg and they haven't laid there since.

Around the front of the house is our bedroom and the boys room. The boys got the biggest room in the house since they are sharing. It also gets alot of sun! It's a wonderful room. Where I'm standing used to be a carport, but we needed to take half of it down to get the digger through. You can see the big scrapes on the concrete where it drove. Often we'll find Andy sitting on that concrete deck, having a coffee and strumming on his guitar. It's a wonderful spot to while away a few hours. That sink has come from our boat shed down the back. We're making room and getting rid of things. Our landscape gardener is going to use it as a filleting bench. Awesome!

Once we started gardening as much as we did, I wanted to make this grassy area into those 1m garden spots and just fill them with things. But Andy wasn't keen. Instead, up against the fence we created a space for tomatoes and beans with wonderful railings for them to grow up against. It worked really well.

From across the road. Take a look at the fence on the left of the picture. It's such a muddle. In a recent big storm, the fence was blown down, so we have just stuck up any old thing to fill it in until we pull it down for the house to be removed.

Those gates where the kids are have always been a problem. They never seem to work properly even when we 'fix' them. Sigh.

The way this house is placed on the site means that it's really close to the neighbours, because we're starting from scratch, we're having to move over away from the boundary more.

 And that's our back yard. Or part of it. The chooks are running loose up here at the moment as their fence was taken down a while ago. I love having them close, but hate all the mess they make.

We need to take that orange tree down shortly. The big ole pohutakawa is beautiful and protects us from alot of Southerly winds. Alot of people suggest we should try and take it down, but we never would. We love it! When the house is done, we want to light it up. It'll look amazing.

And that's the back of the house. That huge big window is where I sit and scrapbook. It's part of the lounge and I can't wait to get an area full of great storage and space to work. Those big windows have no curtains. They look directly out to the city and the amazing lights so we've always chosen to leave the curtains off (even if it does mean some cold nights in winter!).

Oh and hey, because I can, here's one of our beautiful brown leghorns. I can never tell them apart. But it's either Ruby or Diamond. They are both laying at the moment after a long hiatus so it's nice to have their white eggs in our egg box again.

Our house has been so good for us. It's not flash. It's not anything special, in fact when we first moved in it was freezing and we had lots of condensation in that first winter. After getting the HRV installed it became a much healthier house with way less damp. But there is still little to no insulation so is cold. We sometimes wake up and the HRV will give an inside temp of 14/15 degrees. But we do have a beautiful open fire which for the last couple of years has worked through the pine trees we had cut down a couple of years back.

Even though it's not flash, I will miss it when it's gone.

Depression, suicide and social media. Any link? My thoughts....

I first heard about Robin Williams death on facebook. Scrolling through a friend had mentioned it on her feed. I didn't believe it. I went to have a look on Stuff and it was confirmed. I was stunned. But more so later that day when I saw why he'd died. Through his own hand, blame being put to depression.

I was sad he'd died, but I was also angry. Here was one of the worlds most happy people (or so I thought), creating joy and laughter for so many people worldwide and yet, he was suffering from the black dog. How did he do it? How did he remain so upbeat when facing such emptiness that depression brings?

I don't know. I can't answer that. I wasn't there in that moment and I bet there are many people close to him that wish they could answer that and take back time.

I certainly wish I could have eased his pain as he'd done for me on so many occassions as I sat and watched his movies. Cried, laughed and felt alive due to him.

But it's not just him. There are many people world wide who suffer from depression. Each person no doubt has various triggers, reasons, whatever, that brings it into their life. Earlier this year, another bright light was dimmed when she commited suicide which was also linked to depression. Charlotte Dawson.

A women who from all accounts was incredibly giving, generous, kind and helpful wasn't able to help herself.

Look online, you'll find many other celebrity names who have either commited suicide or tried to due to depression. It begs the question, if they, who seemingly have the world at their feet, money, riches, fame can't cope with life. With depression. Then what on earth are the chances for the rest of us?

But what I find scary now, in today's world is the way we deal with each other. In my grandmothers day and yes, when a world war was on, people supported each other more (or so it seems to me - I would welcome a discussion on this thought). Mum's who used to be at home, were out working more as there were no men around to do the normal jobs, but everyone seemed to help each other more, neighbours & families rallied around and while people were no doubt talked about in their community, it wasn't a worldwide phenomenon when you did something wrong.

Just the other day I saw a post on facebook which was a photo of a women in her car. She was very visable as was her work details on the side of the car. The paragraph that went along with the photo said something along the lines of how she parked in a disabled park and when confronted let rip at the person talking to her. Now, please don't get me wrong, I'm one of those who jump on the bandwagon about this very topic. Do NOT park in a disabled car park if you are not disabled. But, this women now has her name, her work plastered all over the internet FOR.EVA for something which would have happened and be over in a second. Prior to social media...for a start there wouldn't be a photo. Let alone the ability to show the photo. And I have to ask what had her day been like? I'm not making excuses for her, but really.... goodness only knows what type of day she'd had.... I know it's no excuse, but I want you to just have a think about it.....there are some days where things go wrong. The day is headed for disaster before you even wake up and it gets worse from there. You don't cope with things like you normally would, and when a situation like this comes up you react to it instead of thinking and acting rationally. These things happen. Yet, she has been branded forever for one stupid moment of reaction.

And this is where I'm sort of trying to head to.... we all curse bullies. We head to school and tiss tiss all the bullies who are in school and try to stop it happening (rightly so). We put time and effort into forming committees to ensure that bullies are not allowed, and yet, we do the very same thing as adults but in a much bigger broader way, as adult bullies.

And from all details I've heard, it was this effect through social media that pushed Charlotte Dawson too far.

In the 'old days' if you were getting bullied you would walk out the school gates, get home and be safe. That is not the case anymore. Anyone, anywhere can be attacked at any time of the day or night. As a mother, this worries me immensely.

As an adult, I have suffered it myself. In the industry I work, filled with women, bitchiness can be seen (thankfully not too often), but sitting at home behind a screen, people think they know you  and they aren't afraid to tell you what they think. I have had someone try to sabotague an event I was running (secretly). Contacting others in the community telling them not to go. I was told. At the time I chose to ignore it. I knew that in the end it wouldn't matter. But boy did it hurt. Yes, I'll be honest, I hurt. I cried. I didn't understand how someone could try and bring something I was doing (partly as a community building idea, partly as a job) down. I put it down to tall poppy syndrome, but it still hurt. So much. Adult bullying. And something I was too scared to address in case it reflected badly on me.

And this is where it gets tricky. It's what I alluded to earlier. In the 'old days' this type of bullying wouldn't have been able to occur. Facebook, emails, skype wouldn't have happened. The connections between people wouldn't have been so wide spread.

Which brings me back to one of the connections between social media, depression and therefore suicide.

Not being able to escape, having access to a billion trillion people worldwide. How on earth do people cope? How on earth does a celebrity cope? How on earth does a 'normal' person cope?

And that doesn't even address the other issue with social media. Have you ever noticed that some days you come away from the computer feeling slightly down? Blue? Unhappy? I'm not talking about all the time, but sometimes. There have been connections in various studies to show that social media can make you depressed. Why? Because you don't get the real connections you do when you chat to people for real. Because you see other people living their 'perfect' lives and you look at yours and think 'sheez'.

Or what about the times when you suddenly realise you've been unfriended. Most likely you don't even want to be that persons friend any more, but it's a rejection none the less. It happened to me recently with one person and I have to say I felt sad. Really sad, for quite a while. Before I had a good solid chat to myself and asked all the questions I needed to, to get myself over it. I mean seriously!!!!

Note: I have to add that social media has been wonderful in my life. I have met a number of amazing people through it. Facebook, pinterest, instagram, skype, emails have all contributed to me broadening my horizons and connecting with people around the world that I normally wouldn't. I feel lucky and priviledged to have made those connections, both personally and for my work. It's not all bad!

But I have to question what effect social media has on us on the 'dark' side of things. Take a read of this article, I found it incredibly interesting. I wonder what you make of it?

Or this one. It asks alot of great questions.

Or this one. Again, asking lots of interesting questions.

These are just a couple I found by doing a quick search.

Look I'll be honest with you here. I started writing this post and it has taken several different turns. I don't know if my writing makes sense to you sitting there without the other thoughts in my brain making my way to the 'paper'/here. But I guess what I wanted to do was just start a line of discussion. A line of thought. I won't have got it right here. My writing is not perfect. Probably a lot of conflicting thoughts. But, if it makes you think, if it helps me work through my thoughts, then that is enough for now.

And so I think I'll leave it here. For now. Smiles and hugs to those of you who are reading this and are depressed and acknowledge it. Hugs and smiles to those who don't know they have it and are struggling through each day. Hugs and smiles to you all.

My thoughts are with everyone that the black dog touches. Here's a little something I saw on facebook yesterday (uh huh! LOL).

"What is depression like?" he whispered. "It's like drowning, except you can see everyone around you breathing."

Til next time.

Prima July Special Delivery Kit - what I've made so far.....

Well to say the Special Delivery kit is packed with goodies is an understatement! Seriously! I have made an altered item, a layout and a card with it and haven't even made a dent in all the paper in the kit! LOVE it.

So thought I'd show you in case you were interested in getting a kit and were sitting on the fence. Take a look.....

First off is a card I made the other day. 

I'm loving yellow at the moment and this kit has some in it which I've used over and over. 

Are you wondering how you can see through it? Pretty cool huh?! I've used a transparency then popped some paper over the back of it so you can't see the transparency and it looks like the circle is just floating in mid air.

Next is the project that I made for Prima as part of the group of instructions you get for free when you order the kit. I love this project. I've taken a packet from some Prima Wildflowers then altered it. 

See that seam binding hanging down through the cylinder? It's holding a mini album...

 

It's a really cute little album, which I've sewn together. You'll get to see how when you purchase the kit.

 The third thing I made was a layout. The photo was taken at SENZ and when I saw it I was shocked. More about that at the end.

 The only thing you'll see here today that isn't in the kit, is that muslin on this layout.

 

As I said at the beginning, I wasn't too impressed with that photo. Oh man! But as I tell you all in my classes, it's really really important to be in our scrapbooks, to take photos of ourselves and so I decided to use it anyway, and I put some journaling on the back explaining my feelings. Thought I'd share.....

I don’t like this photo. Might even go as far as saying I hate it. Well, not of Sarah, but of me.

Goodness. When you put on weight you often don’t realise how bad it’s getting until its way too late.

But as I tell all the wonderful ladies in my classes, it doesn’t matter what you look like. It just doesn’t. And more importantly, we need to believe that.

We all need to take photos of ourselves, we need to be in our scrapbooks. We need to be present for the family to remember us, what we look like. Our smiles. Our expressions. The love in our eyes. Us.

That is far more important than anything else. And that’s what the quote on the beautiful Prima paper says. So why not own it? Why not make it true? Why not embrace the inner beauty so my daughter doesn’t grow up with the same insecurities and hang ups I did.

And so I scrapbooked this photo. I scrapbooked my love of my daughter. I scrapbooked us together. Hanging out. Having lunch. Her watching me teach. A memory my daughter has of ‘the best day of the school holidays’.

Jeepers, if that’s not important, what is?!

July 2014, SENZ 2014

A class where I was teaching with Limor Webber. 

Thoughts surrounding weight have been on my mind alot of late. I've found the most amazing blog that speaks to me. She's called The Militant Baker. One day I'll share more of my thoughts on weight, but for now, I think that says it all. 

As you can see, I've got 3 pretty comprehensive projects, and yet, I still have a ton of product left in the box. 

So if you are interested, I'm putting in the Kiwi/Aussie order tomorrow (Monday). If you're keen on getting this kit and saving a bit of money, then get in touch with me. Last chance for this month this way.

It's not a disaster, it's not a problem, but boy was it a pain!

Thought I'd share my funny day yesterday with you all....

The day started with the 'normal' craziness that a home with 3 boisterous kids all trying to get ready for school etc. is. On top of that, we had an orthodontist appointment for Sarah and she had to take a note for the teacher. Which I forgot to write.

Nevermind I think to myself. I'll go for my walk this morning, cut it a bit short to make the appointment and give her the letter while she is on road patrol duty.

So off I go. And there are Matt and Sarah doing nothing. WHAT? I ask them what's going on. "There's no parent here to help us, we get told off if we start without an adult". So I get them started and stay on. Ok, so that's only another half hour off my walk, but it's all good. Giving Sarah her note, we do crossing duty and off they go back to school while I head off on my walk. 

Ok, Total so far lost time.... 1 hour.

So I finish my walk, have a shower and race up to school to get Sarah for her appointment. We have a lovely chat over the bridge and to our appointment and sit in the waiting room. Our time passes and then the next appointment time and I'm thinking, this is wrong, they are always on time. What's going on? Sarah pipes up, but isn't my appointment time 11.45 Mum, not 10.45? Oh. My. Goodness! She is right. I chat to the receptionist and just tell her what's happened and would they possibly have had anyone cancel that we could take their spot? No? Ok, By now we've only got half an hour to wait. So we wait.

By the time we finish, it's another hour lost. 

Total time lost : 2 hours.

On the way back to school, I decide to stop off at the supermarket (I know! What was I thinking? Should've got Sarah back to school first), but, our close supermarket closed the day before and I was going past this one so why not pop in and save petrol and time?! Makes sense right? Yeah. Right.

It did, until I said Sarah could stay in the car. Without thinking. Of course the radio was on, the lights (if you've read my story about the cop, you'll understand this!), and the air con. It was hot yesterday. And when I get back to the car, it wouldn't start. ARGH!

Now, I have to admit this has happened before. Another hot sunny day and we were waiting on the boys at cricket. I should've remembered. I should've learnt. Hmmmm. So that time, I just had to wait a 15 minutes or so with everything off, and it came right. This time it didn't. After about half an hour it still wasn't right.

So I ring 0800jumpme. Which I highly recommend if you get stuck with a dead battery. Andy was at work, busy. So half an hour after I call, and $65 lighter, we are on our way again.

Total time lost: 3 hours.

The man has told me I need to keep the car running for half an hour to ensure it will charge up. Ok, so home is only 5mins away, so what to do? I drop Sarah off at school. All good. I need to wash my car, so I think, yep, all good, I'll go do that. I can leave the car running in the wash. It'll help me out, get a job done. All good.

And as I drive towards the car wash I see the wash is empty. Fantastic. But just as I pull up to start the car wash. Someone else pulls in front of me. At this point, I just had to laugh. 

It wasn't going to be my day.

So with 3.5 hours lost before 1.30pm, I decide to finish my wash, go home and do some work at home. Done.

Oh, and before I forget, I can add a whole evening too..... as later that afternoon, I started getting tummy cramps. Fevers. Oh flip! Off to bed I go at 6.30pm. And a whole evening is lost. ARGH!

Here's hoping for a better day today! Grin.

 

So lucky last night Sandra Mason may have saved me alot of money!!!

Last night I went to Scrapaholics to teach our second cupcake decorating class. There was a wonderful group of ladies and we all had lots of fun creating some gorgeous Valentines cupcakes to give to our loved ones today - Happy Valentines Day - here's what we created....

Well, they were the 'official' ones. Like with all my classes, I love to give a little extra and we made a couple of extra cupcakes too. Like I said, it was FUN!

Anyway, afterwards, I was on my way home and I saw a cop car with their 'victim' in front pulled over to the side of the road, blue and red lights flashing in the darkness. Whew I thought, they're already busy. Won't bother me. Hmmmmm. Famous last words.

And this is where I get to thank SANDRA MASON. Because the other day she put a post up on facebook talking about how her drivers licence had nearly expired and she had to go and get a new one. Well, guess what on reading her post I remembered that mine was due to expire in January. Yep, we're now in February! 

What had happened, me being clever and all, I'd put reminders on my outlook diary every day in December to remind me to get a new one. But of course December was busy and I kept pushing the 'snooze' button and when Jan rolled around I just plain FORGOT!

So seeing her post, I pulled out my drivers licence, had a look and yep, expired late Jan. 

Oh my goodness!

We had swimming that night with the kids, but there was a one hour gap between Dan and Matt so off we trotted and got my new licence done. They took my 'actual' licence, and gave me a paper one to carry with me 'just in case'. 

Ahhhhhhh. The feeling was so good. But that was just two days before!

So coming back to last night. I saw the cops coming up behind me fast but in the other lane and thought they must be on the way to get someone/something, but no. They stopped next to me and told me to pull over. I was stopped at lights so couldn't figure out what was wrong. But duly put my indicator on, and pulled into the street right there, past the yellow lines, and stopped. 

The lovely lady cop walked up and asked me if I knew why I was pulled over. I was truely surprised. After seeing the cop, I wasn't speeding, so I couldn't figure it out. 

Turns out my lights were off. ARGH! You see my car is one that when you get out of the car, the lights automatically turn off. So I leave them on forever. Day or night. Then I never forget to put them on. But either Andy or my BIL had recently used my car and had turned them off. Not thinking (yes, those are the operative words! Cause I still should've checked). I got in the car and drove without lights.

So I explained that to her, and even turned off the car, and opened the door to show her. Like she wouldn't know that?! LOL!

But the story gets better cause they ask me whether I've just pulled out of anywhere, so I tell them 'why yes, 90 Springs Street, Scrapaholics - I was teaching a cupcake decorating class there'. She looked at me like I was weird. I had to laugh. So I did. Nervously. Did I really squeak/snort? I Nearly said, would you like to see. Thank goodness I didn't. I'm sure she didn't want to see my valentine cupcakes! LOL!

So she asks all these other questions, my address ('you're a long way from home aren't you?'), phone number, mobile number, job - oh yeah. What do I do? I'm a Mum I say proudly. Oh and I teach scrapbooking and cupcake decorating on occassion. Again that weird look.

'I'll just go and check on a few things she says, wait here'.

She was obviously checking all the details and whether I had previous tickets or anything. Meantime Andy calls. Laughing cause I'm sitting there with a cop car red and blue flashing lights behind me because of HIM!

And then the kind lady came back and said to me, 'normally not having your lights on would be a $150 fine, but this time we're going to give you a warning'. I was like seriously? THANK YOU!

And inside the whole time I was sitting there thinking, thank you Sandra Mason because if I had an expired licence too, then I would be getting the $150 fine PLUS whatever it costs for an expired licence.

I recon by having that in between licence, no past / outstanding issues, they thought I was quite trustworthy and let me off. So thank you Sandra! I owe you!

And so I got off at least $150. I was lucky. A couple of days earlier. I would've been in even more trouble! Whew. 

So my 'Sunday Shake up' which turns out to be a Friday shake up, is check your licence, check when it expires, and put it in your diary, then don't ignore it!

Have a fabulous Valentines!

 

We went to Hobbiton

I've never been a huge Hobbiton fan. Don't get me wrong. I truely enjoyed the books as a child and have loved seeing the movies with my children as an adult, but I didn't think too much about all the hype about the movie set until my niece shared her excitement about going. I said, let's go then and we arranged to go in the holidays and boy am I glad!!!!

 

 

It was just stunning! We had a bit of a funny start with my silly GPS taking us way off the beaten track to get there. But again, it was so worth it. Stunning scenery! Then getting there, having some lunch at the cafe (delicious!!!), then jumping on a typical old NZ country school bus to get to the set.

 

 

We learnt so much from that bus journey and the wonderful driver. All about where things were set up, how the set was found and so on. It was so interesting!

Our guide (Dan) was also full of energy and keen to show us all the set with fun and information. 

 

 

My sister and I kept going "wow, this is so beautiful". We really couldn't believe how amazing this part of the country was and how well they had preserved the set. We both commented to each other how realistic it looked and that we were expecting a pack of rampaging Orcs on horseback to come riding over the hills.

 

 

 

The kids enjoyed the tour as much as us adults, if not more.

One of the things I found so amazing was Peter Jacksons attention to detail. In the book, it talked about hobbits sitting around under plum trees. Well, the farm had pears and apples, not plums. So they took off each pear, each apple, each leaf and replaced them with plums and plum leaves. Just for a 3 second part in the movie.

 

 

The tree above Bilbo Baggins house had 220,000 leaves added to it. Amazing! Who would like to have that job? Not me! But it was done for authenticity and I have to say wow to someone with such focus and vision.

 

 

The Green dragon was FANTASTIC. A great way to end the tour. I wish we had more time there to leisurely drink and eat in such glorious surroundings.

 

 

We went on a day that was drizzling on and off. Overcast. Not sunny. But it was still one of, if not my most favourite 'tour' taken in NZ. I think if you have just one day here in New Zealand, and you want to see the countryside and a bit of special magic, then this is the tour to do. And if you're a kiwi and haven't been yet. Set some time aside and make the trip. So very very worth it!

To find out more, just click on the tour website.

Santa Photos

Since I was just back on Xmas, thought I'd share the santa photos we had taken this year. I was absolutely stoked with them.

We normally head into Smith and Caughey's, but this year, even getting there just as the doors opened, the ques were so long we decided to flag it.

So instead we decided to go to our local mall and have them done there. The kids choice. And I have to say how thrilled I am with them.

This next one is my all time favourite.

This year, we decided to 'pay it forward' and paid for the person who was behind us, photos too. The photographer/elf couldn't believe we were doing this, and the lady who was after us, chased us down to thank us. Was a little embarressing, but quite special. I hope it made her day, like it did ours.

Looking back at these photos makes me freak out a bit. The kids are just growing up so quickly.

Anyway, last night was New Years eve for us here in NZ. Was talking to a friend in the States this morning and he said I was "from the future", interesting thought.... so Happy new year to you all! I hope you have a wonderful night (if you're still to go through it) and a safe and prosperous 2014! But above all, may your health be strong and good.

Sunday Shake Up - What is the world turning into?

I have to preface this blog post with this comment.....

I have written this post over many days. Deleting and rewriting many times. It was not going to be my Sunday Shake up. But it's Sunday and I think I'm now ready to post it, and it kinda works. 

My post may be controversial. The 'PC crowd' may not like what I'm saying. Some of the questions I ask, comments I make. But I think they are questions that need to be addressed....

These are my own thoughts. As I've said to someone in the past, this is my blog, if you don't like the content, please stop reading. You may or may not agree with what I say but I'm happy for constructive feedback. I love a good discussion where people can learn from each other, but please think about tearing someone down before you write....

I also preface this by saying I am not the mother of teenagers and those years scare me! I worry how my children will act, what they will do, what have I taught them that will get them through these years safely? I have to keep telling myself......there but by the grace of God go I.....

This week, I as many of you in NZ, have been disgusted and outraged at news of a group of monsters (boys) that are going around deliberately intoxicating young girls (as young as 13) then having group sex with them without their consent, then to top it off, they boast about it on video on facebook, naming the girls.

I felt my soul become slowly torn into pieces with each piece of new news that came out about it this week. First one thing, then another, then another. Each piece making me feel more and more sick and hurt by what our world is turning into. So many questions unanswered. 

Many times, I sat down to write something. To put my feelings on paper, but it is too big an issue to do it and I worried that I wouldn't get all my thoughts in a line, all in order. That I'd miss something that I really wanted to say or get in trouble for getting the information wrong. 

Then this morning I realised that this didn't matter. None of this did. But what does, is what WE do in our own lives. With the people WE influence. Our own children.

I believe none of this would have happened if these kids were taught from birth what is right and wrong.  And if they did know this type of behaviour is wrong and did it anyway? Then there would probably be earlier signs that could be detected and dealt with at that time. I think it's as simple as that. 

But let's go back a step. Let's look at all the questions I have.....

How do kids learn that this type of behaviour is ok? What are they watching at the movies, on tv, online? What are they listening to? Podcasts? Music?

Why aren't their facebook pages/other social media monitored by their parents and then the parents dealing to it immediately when it is as wrong as this?

How do 13, 14, 15, 16 year old kids have access to alcohol? In this case I hear it is from the parents???

What is a 13, 14, 15, 16 year old doing out at a 'boozing' party? (yes, I'm probably out of reality with what goes on in todays world, but does that make it right? The legal age of drinking in NZ is 18!).

Where were the friends of the girls? What did they do to help their friend?

What do the boys think sex is all about?

What do they think is acceptable sexual practise?

Why do they think it is ok to brag on social media about what you have done? 

Where has our '0' tolerance for bullying (bragging on facebook is bullying!) gone (let alone the rest of the acts).

Why did the police tell us that noone had come forward when 1 had laid a formal complaint and 3 others had told the police what was going on?

What happened over the next 2-3 years since that time when the complaints were laid and nothing was done? How many other girls were victimised in the same way during this time?

If the laws prevented them from doing anything, why? What do we need to do to protect girls from this?

Why were the girls questioned about what they drank, what they wore? How is this relevant to a group of boys having non consentual sex with them? Raping them. This is totally unacceptable.

This brings me to another point, related, but a different case....clothing choice was also in question when some tourists were assaulted in Albert Park in the past. They were told by the judge that what they were wearing was too skimpy. So? This does not invite assault/rape. Don't get me wrong, I talk to my own daughter about what she wears, what is and isn't appropriate. BUT, whatever our thoughts on clothing choices, it is NOT an invitation to be raped, or treated in a different way. The judge in the tourists case was wrong! He should not have said anything to this nature, and this is my point.....if we have people at the 'top' of the ladder of who we look up to with these thoughts in mind, it brings about a culture of blaming the girls. It's not ok. It's not their fault. No choice of theirs no matter how wrong should be seem to blame them for an act against them. Blame the boys/men who did it. 

In short....why is is permissable to semi blame the girls because of what they were wearing?

And yet, why isn't anyone asking what a 13 year old girl was doing out at a party like that? 

What has the policeman whose son is involved, doing about his son? What was his punishment? How is he dealing with this very serious situation? I want to know what is happening as my faith in the police when faced with a man who lets his son get away with something like this diminishes (please don't get me wrong, I think the police are an amazing force and not all of them are bad, most of them are incredibly hard working, amazing men and women doing things I couldn't bear to think about let alone do), BUT, and it's a big but, my faith in them is lost if they are the ones we are meant to look up to and their own children are allowed to do this kind of thing without consequences.

Why is it that so many people think they have a right to do what they want, good, bad or indifferent, without their being consequences? Just look at the mayor in Canada caught smoking crack cocaine and he refuses to step down. He has not only just done wrong, but broken the law and he thinks he should stay in power? Where has this thinking come from? This sense of entitlement? Why is he allowed to do that? WTF???????

And if we have people like this in power, is it any wonder the boys involved in this case are doing what they want? Hey, he can get away with doing what he wants, why shouldn't we?

If you are asking questions like this, or similar, and want to know what you can do? Let's go back to my earlier idea that it comes back to parenting, to teaching kids what is right and wrong. It comes back to having good role models (be it a parent, older sibling, aunt/uncle, grandparent, coach, scout leader, church leader). It comes back to having morals (and where have they gone in this PC, permissable world?). It comes back to doing something little in our own lives. Take a look at this:

It's called "The conversation you must have with your sons" in the Huffington Post. Written by Karina Colodny. Take a read.

When all this was happening, I became quite morose. What is the point? I do this and that to be helpful in this world, but I am just one person. I am nothing. What is the point of doing what I do when things like this happen.

I had to remind myself of a letter I received from a mother of one of the kids I make cakes from. Thanking me for what I had done and what a difference it made in their lives. Yes, I am only one person. But if I can make one person smile, one person think they are special, one person remember that someone cared for them, then that IS ENOUGH!

And so I urge you to be that someone to do something about it. I urge you to listen to your inner voice and to send an email, write a letter, talk to your sons, I urge you to be the one who listens to your inner voice saying 'this is wrong', who stops listening to other people telling them not to get involved, but stops what they are doing and takes a stance. 

This morning is a new day. It is a clean slate, and I dare you to make a difference. 

Hellllooooooo everyone

Well, anyone that's still around and watching my poor forgotten blog! Grin. I can't believe I've been away for 4.5 weeks! Where did that time go? Well, I know. A little bit of travel. Grin. I can't wait to share with you, but haven't even found the time to go through my photos properly yet. Well, maybe I'll share one from the beginning of our trip. Hawaii's North Shore. Take away dinner on the beach. Stunning sunset. LOVE.

 

As I said on facebook, it was amazing after over 26 hours of traveling to fly over NZ, see Auckland, Rangitoto and know I was home. Such an incredible feeling. It gives me goosebumps everytime I do it.

I missed my family incredibly. Ok, so it was only 2.5 weeks, but that's the longest I've ever been away from them. And while everything was the same, it felt like so much had changed. Both boys look like they've grown up so much since I've been gone.

And now at some ridiculous hour of the morning I'm awake and rearing to go. LOL. Admittedly I did go to bed nice and early. So bear with me while I adjust back to NZ time, go through my inbox, remember things as I wander through my photos. I will be back with more soon.

Have a wonderful day!

Rambling thoughts....

Oh oh, I hear you say, what's Trina thinking now?

Well, a ton of things. First off, a big happy anniversary to my lovely hubby Andy. 12 years married yesterday.

(A pile of presents for Andy to find)

I find buying presents for Andy incredibly hard. He has everything he wants, and if he doesn't he works out a plan to get it. So it leaves it hard to buy for him. Especially straight after fathers day. So what I do, is use the 'traditional / modern' wedding anniversary 'themes'. This year, for 12 years it was silk, linen and pearl.

My favourite gift was the cotton hankies (part of the linen category? I'll take that!) I brought and had embroidered. He LOVES hankies. I hate them. But that's part of what makes this gift special. I still got them even though I hate them. LOL. The other part is what I got them embroidered with. A little something that is special to us. A promise we made to each other. Four/4/for. Forever.

We went out for a stunning lunch at the Takapuna Beach cafe. The day was gorgeous so it couldn't have been better. After we sat on a chair by the beach and ate ice cream. Oh my goodness. I had coconut chocolate and salted caramel. Divine!

Today is a new day. I sit here typing in my dressing gown. The chaos of the morning seeming like a million hours away. But boy oh boy. Does anyone else have major issues in the morning? If so, my question for you is how do you have breakfast? I remember growing up we all sat down together. Food on the table that we all ate from, then it was put away at the end of the meal. It doesn't seem to work like that anymore. Certainly not for us. Perhaps it's something I need to reinstate in our family? It might help streamline things a bit? Would love your input on how to help me get through the morning. TA!

And finally, I realised today how much I appreciate reading through my blog. I can't remember what made me look? I think I was checking if I'd done an update on something? But I got sidetracked as I looked over past layouts, Sunday Shake Ups, rambling thoughts and realised that I miss having my posts written down. I haven't been putting things up here as often as I used to. I swore facebook wouldn't take over from my blog when I joined. But it has. Maybe it's time to change it back again, stick to my promise to myself?

Have a great day!