I first heard about Robin Williams death on facebook. Scrolling through a friend had mentioned it on her feed. I didn't believe it. I went to have a look on Stuff and it was confirmed. I was stunned. But more so later that day when I saw why he'd died. Through his own hand, blame being put to depression.
I was sad he'd died, but I was also angry. Here was one of the worlds most happy people (or so I thought), creating joy and laughter for so many people worldwide and yet, he was suffering from the black dog. How did he do it? How did he remain so upbeat when facing such emptiness that depression brings?
I don't know. I can't answer that. I wasn't there in that moment and I bet there are many people close to him that wish they could answer that and take back time.
I certainly wish I could have eased his pain as he'd done for me on so many occassions as I sat and watched his movies. Cried, laughed and felt alive due to him.
But it's not just him. There are many people world wide who suffer from depression. Each person no doubt has various triggers, reasons, whatever, that brings it into their life. Earlier this year, another bright light was dimmed when she commited suicide which was also linked to depression. Charlotte Dawson.
A women who from all accounts was incredibly giving, generous, kind and helpful wasn't able to help herself.
Look online, you'll find many other celebrity names who have either commited suicide or tried to due to depression. It begs the question, if they, who seemingly have the world at their feet, money, riches, fame can't cope with life. With depression. Then what on earth are the chances for the rest of us?
But what I find scary now, in today's world is the way we deal with each other. In my grandmothers day and yes, when a world war was on, people supported each other more (or so it seems to me - I would welcome a discussion on this thought). Mum's who used to be at home, were out working more as there were no men around to do the normal jobs, but everyone seemed to help each other more, neighbours & families rallied around and while people were no doubt talked about in their community, it wasn't a worldwide phenomenon when you did something wrong.
Just the other day I saw a post on facebook which was a photo of a women in her car. She was very visable as was her work details on the side of the car. The paragraph that went along with the photo said something along the lines of how she parked in a disabled park and when confronted let rip at the person talking to her. Now, please don't get me wrong, I'm one of those who jump on the bandwagon about this very topic. Do NOT park in a disabled car park if you are not disabled. But, this women now has her name, her work plastered all over the internet FOR.EVA for something which would have happened and be over in a second. Prior to social media...for a start there wouldn't be a photo. Let alone the ability to show the photo. And I have to ask what had her day been like? I'm not making excuses for her, but really.... goodness only knows what type of day she'd had.... I know it's no excuse, but I want you to just have a think about it.....there are some days where things go wrong. The day is headed for disaster before you even wake up and it gets worse from there. You don't cope with things like you normally would, and when a situation like this comes up you react to it instead of thinking and acting rationally. These things happen. Yet, she has been branded forever for one stupid moment of reaction.
And this is where I'm sort of trying to head to.... we all curse bullies. We head to school and tiss tiss all the bullies who are in school and try to stop it happening (rightly so). We put time and effort into forming committees to ensure that bullies are not allowed, and yet, we do the very same thing as adults but in a much bigger broader way, as adult bullies.
And from all details I've heard, it was this effect through social media that pushed Charlotte Dawson too far.
In the 'old days' if you were getting bullied you would walk out the school gates, get home and be safe. That is not the case anymore. Anyone, anywhere can be attacked at any time of the day or night. As a mother, this worries me immensely.
As an adult, I have suffered it myself. In the industry I work, filled with women, bitchiness can be seen (thankfully not too often), but sitting at home behind a screen, people think they know you and they aren't afraid to tell you what they think. I have had someone try to sabotague an event I was running (secretly). Contacting others in the community telling them not to go. I was told. At the time I chose to ignore it. I knew that in the end it wouldn't matter. But boy did it hurt. Yes, I'll be honest, I hurt. I cried. I didn't understand how someone could try and bring something I was doing (partly as a community building idea, partly as a job) down. I put it down to tall poppy syndrome, but it still hurt. So much. Adult bullying. And something I was too scared to address in case it reflected badly on me.
And this is where it gets tricky. It's what I alluded to earlier. In the 'old days' this type of bullying wouldn't have been able to occur. Facebook, emails, skype wouldn't have happened. The connections between people wouldn't have been so wide spread.
Which brings me back to one of the connections between social media, depression and therefore suicide.
Not being able to escape, having access to a billion trillion people worldwide. How on earth do people cope? How on earth does a celebrity cope? How on earth does a 'normal' person cope?
And that doesn't even address the other issue with social media. Have you ever noticed that some days you come away from the computer feeling slightly down? Blue? Unhappy? I'm not talking about all the time, but sometimes. There have been connections in various studies to show that social media can make you depressed. Why? Because you don't get the real connections you do when you chat to people for real. Because you see other people living their 'perfect' lives and you look at yours and think 'sheez'.
Or what about the times when you suddenly realise you've been unfriended. Most likely you don't even want to be that persons friend any more, but it's a rejection none the less. It happened to me recently with one person and I have to say I felt sad. Really sad, for quite a while. Before I had a good solid chat to myself and asked all the questions I needed to, to get myself over it. I mean seriously!!!!
Note: I have to add that social media has been wonderful in my life. I have met a number of amazing people through it. Facebook, pinterest, instagram, skype, emails have all contributed to me broadening my horizons and connecting with people around the world that I normally wouldn't. I feel lucky and priviledged to have made those connections, both personally and for my work. It's not all bad!
But I have to question what effect social media has on us on the 'dark' side of things. Take a read of this article, I found it incredibly interesting. I wonder what you make of it?
Or this one. It asks alot of great questions.
Or this one. Again, asking lots of interesting questions.
These are just a couple I found by doing a quick search.
Look I'll be honest with you here. I started writing this post and it has taken several different turns. I don't know if my writing makes sense to you sitting there without the other thoughts in my brain making my way to the 'paper'/here. But I guess what I wanted to do was just start a line of discussion. A line of thought. I won't have got it right here. My writing is not perfect. Probably a lot of conflicting thoughts. But, if it makes you think, if it helps me work through my thoughts, then that is enough for now.
And so I think I'll leave it here. For now. Smiles and hugs to those of you who are reading this and are depressed and acknowledge it. Hugs and smiles to those who don't know they have it and are struggling through each day. Hugs and smiles to you all.
My thoughts are with everyone that the black dog touches. Here's a little something I saw on facebook yesterday (uh huh! LOL).
"What is depression like?" he whispered. "It's like drowning, except you can see everyone around you breathing."
Til next time.
