One person

Isn't it amazing how one person can have such an influence on so many others?

I'm constantly amazed at the power one person can hold over so many. It's not only scary, but can be mean and/or beautiful.

I've seen it in business, friendships and general day to day 'things'. Where people feel like they don't want to rock the boat because one person will get upset and I often wonder why that person has so much influence?

Recently we had one person affect our lives. She is a very well known business woman who after going through what we have, I believe has no integrity. She made some very deliberate decisions that left our family wondering if we would have a roof over our head next year. And we were just one family amongst many many many others who were/are wondering what will happen.

Thankfully Andy's company has some darn good lawyers and a great management team and together they worked through this womans decisions working hard to ensure their company remains healthy. Unfortunately, it has put too much indecision into our lives for us to feel able to build our house in Feb. Yes, maybe we could do it. But building a house is hard at the best of times, and we decided to wait, ensuring things continue the way we 'think' they will and to get stable again first.

I think perhaps that was why I was feeling so 'blah' last week. I knew it was the right decision for us as a family to make, but my heart didn't want that. And it wasn't until we had actually spoken to our architecht and told him what was up and that we were delaying our house building for a bit that I could realise it was real and get back to normal life.

Just one person, a few decisions, one company amongst many, affecting more than a few people.
(our house model - that's my scraproom on the bottom right hand side, joining the lounge, with the sunlight above it in the roof)

This morning I also heard Rodney Hyde talking about Pike Mine. He was talking about it because the report gets released today. He said that to him it was really bad accident but he didn't feel that connected to it (or something to that effect), until he went to the memorial where afterwards he walked past each man's memorial with their friends, family and children standing behind their memorial. It may have been 'only' 29 men who died, but each of those 29 men had a family, friends, children, a community who loved them and miss them. And they are all affected now and always. One death affects so many people, so imagine how that town feels with so many of their treasured men gone?!

We've also been going through issues with a girl bully at school. She's not overtly a bully, but is crafty, manipulative and sneaky. All the teachers think she is amazing because she is 'perfect' in the classroom and does everything that is nasty in the playground and when no one who matters is watching.

It got too much for me to handle when she pushed Sarah into a door at the end of last term and thankfully in talking to the kids principal, and the steps she's taken so far, the truth has come out and steps are being put in place to stop this child continuing to devalue the girls.

Ok, so it's not full on bullying, but it's really affected our wee family and I know others too.

One child affecting so many others.

And it goes on. The person who crashes into your car and sends you into a foul mood all day. The bus driver who drives off when you're running down the road.

Each one of us has the potential to impact on others. Sometimes without even realising it. I guess it hit home for me this morning sitting in the jury room waiting for my name to be called out (it wasn't), thinking about the person whose trial I would potentially hear. Knowing that I as one person could have a huge impact on that person and what could become of them. I realised how important my role could be.

And I remembered all the hurt that I have allowed others to bestow on me and I thought to myself. Oh . my . goodness.

"They" (whoever 'they' are?) shouldn't be able to have this hold on me (us). I/we need to believe in my/ourself. I/we need to take on those people, or let it go. I/we need to know what is important enough to fight for  and what is ok to let go. I/we need to know that one person is not that important in the whole scheme of things and to choose to get on with our own lives. In our own way.

And so I decided to do just that. And tried to let one of some recent hurt go. Sometimes, like with this, it's not so easy. But I will continue to try. Wish me luck cause I can still feel it gnawing away at me.

Later.

Comments

[Deb]

Hugs hun, you are so very right xx

[Vivian K]

Sorry you're going through this - I think experiences like this make you lose faith in humanity, if only temporarily. But it is one of the worst feelings I know. My thoughts are with you and hoping you will be able to let go soon. I find sometimes that focusing really hard on the loves in your life helps you move forward.

[Sue Smith]

An Aunt once once showed me that it is people, not 'things' that matter. The bullying and the stress this woman is causing your family, need addressing. The house can wait. The years go so fast that another year for the house is nothing when you look back later. You have a lovely 'home'! 'Home', being a happy place living with people you love. Thinking of you :)

[Brendy]

I hear what you are saying T, letting go is easier said than done as I know it.. You have a beautiful family, wonderful friends who are here for you. Its really hard to believe there are so many selfish and nasty individuals out there, sent to test us im sure, but they are there and that is life.. Be Strong Hun and deep Breaths Hugs xx

[Donna M]

Sorry to hear this Trina. As you know we have had a similar thing years back which has taken it's toll on us but due to DH being strong and not giving up, somehow we are going forward. My advice (with hugs) is that both you and Andy will need to stay strong when the other is down; look forward find the little positives every day to get by.
But it's b***dy hard not to let it knaw - that's just being human.
For all the nasty people out there, fortunately there are more lovely ones.

[Topkatnz]

Stay strong. Sending all my thoughts your way. So sucky about the house thing - sometimes doing the grown up sensible thing is so hard - however time will go fast. Hugs for you all.hxx

[Wendy Sigvertsen]

Well said Trina. I often say each action causes a reaction and have myself been the subject of this. Letting go of the hurt helps. Some people are just not worth worrying about. Know that you are not alone in this.

[Denise S-B]

Thinking of you and sending hugs. Life has a funny way of sending you these curve balls which make you rethink and revise where you are going and what you are doing. While it seems hard at the time, as time passes you often see that there is a reason why they happen. I too have been through similar challenges, being bullied at school, later losing jobs, losing my home, being estranged from family, and of course battling cancer ... But each of these things has made me the person I am today and I believe has made me stronger. It never gets easier to deal with these things but you do know that you can survive them and come out the other side still smiling.

[Danielle]

And the world continues to teach us x

[Trace]

Beautifully written Trina - and I guess it resonates with all of us, evidence of that can be seen in all the comments.

[mandyb]

oh my we so need to SKYPE!!!!
all these little things at one moment all together then BOOM the impact!!!
full on alright!!! glad you have good people on your side!!!

as for this bully....cos it is...keep ON the school cos this child will need help with some issues...and is sadly taken an impact on your darling girl...she is the outlet...and its NOT ok.
As someone who was bullied....i cant stand it...but sadly you need to TEACH children how NOT to take power over others....and sometimes if happening at school...can be happening to them at home!!!
so keep on it
you are in Sarah's corner!!!

xxxxxxxxarohanui to YOU ALL xxxxxxxxxxx

[sandra m]

It is so sad that there are such mean, self focussed people in the world. I know there are times I can be one of those people :-( but hope that those I have hurt I have enough integrity to go back to and apologise, Love to your wee family and PS your photo is gorgeous

[Judy]

My heart goes out to you and your family and the hurt you must be feeling.It made me so sad to read of this and how it has impacted on your lives.

[Michelle Lindenmayer]

Thank you for your inspirational story today. Made me feel a little better about my own situation at the moment. As you say, it is a shame to let other people change the way you feel. We can choose to be angry and disappointed or we can choose to be glass half full and look at the good and positive things in our life. Your decision in having to put off your house building resinates with me as we have had to put off a couple of wonderful things in our life as well - stay strong and big hugs x

[Megan Renfree]

Oh man, that is such a bummer Trina, I'm so sorry. I know how excited you were/are over your house, I can just imagine your disappointment. You are amazing for being able to move forward like you are. As for the bully. Keep on top of it. I seem to be constantly dealing with a similar situation. Bullies suck, boy &girl bullies are all the same and they drive me insane.