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August 17, 2011



This is hard. It IS heartbreaking when your children come to you with friend issues. When Ethan was 6 or 7, I was horrified to see how catty/nasty some of the girls in his class could be to each other. There were ALWAYS mums discussing "issues" their daughters were having with their friends. I see the same kind of thing now with some of the girls in Tyler's class. It seems to be more of an issue with girls? When boys have a disagreement, they tend to forget about it by the end of lunchtime, not hold a grudge for weeks.

I'm not sure I have any sage advice. I think just be there for your kids when they do have those bad days, or when friends have hurt them. Remind them that all friendships have ups and downs, and that they take effort and compromise. But encourage them to choose good friends who are kind and generous, with similar values to them.

Not easy being a mama, is it?

Vicki Parker

Reminds of that poem - A Season A Reason

Will have a think about your questions and pop back though.


I think for children Trina, you also have to remember they are still learning about language. The power that language can have and the different reactions you can get from it. This is a very real and normal part of childhood. (And probably why girls are more 'apt' at it than boys the same age...who are the talkers :-)

While as parents you of course can encourage your child to only use appropriate language, but chances are that's not what they are always seeing/hearing around them, and of course learning comes through experience, so they will try different things out (in terms of relationships).

As adults we also have a different view to what friendship is - how often we go somewhere (eg Chipmunks) and say things like 'oh you made a friend' but they haven't - they've found someone to play with. From early on we send mixed messages about friendship.

You have to trust that as parents you and Andy are doing the best job that you can and that lifes experiences both good and not good are all part of that balance. I think one of the most important aspects of this is giving your three tools to cope when things don't work out. Issues only get more complex as we age, so having some strategies when things aren't working how you want, will stay with your kids for life. How does Sarah think she should deal with 'it'? You might be suprised, she's a capable young lady and might just need you as a sounding board after a rough day.

Well that's my two cents worth LOL.


mmm is tricky alright!!!
i agree with Trace on the friend thing....it is confusing...and for some reason kids (and parents) stress about their kids making friends....friendships happen naturally...when the right match is found....friends arent similar but are a match!!!

at kgtn people always say to me who is their friend and i say they play with many people!!! as long as they have the skills to cope in groups then im happy...

and NOTE some girls are MEAN...you cant play because....i used to wonder where it came from.. then i heard siblings and sadly some parents...and think EKKKK from you!!!! there is nothing you can do about their bad behaviour but you can teach your kids to be NICE and treat others with respect and love!!

sadly they will find mean people in life....even as an adult!!!

keep the lines of communication open with you both so any issues can be heard and talked through!!!

you are doing a great jon MAMA bear xxxxx


I think your post is full of all the wisdom you need. YOU have to recognize and have confidence in your abilities:) and not pass on self-doubt. Talk to her about what you love about friendships and what you don't, and allow her to form her own values. Motherhood is much like friendship - what might be wrong to you, may be fine with your kids. And be prepared to keep talking, and keep going over things. One thing I like, that I can see I have passed on to my kids - is not to judge or exclude or bully. When that new kid comes along, take a chance, say hello. If people would be more open and sharing we would all find we had a lot more in common than we think.


Oh, and an age old trick to making friends is compliments - 'I love your hair' 'you are so smart' 'you always make people laugh' etc - that's a good tip to teach about winning friends and influencing people;)


heidi says it all.... such wise words.Parenting is the hardest job ever..believe in yourself...that's probably why i've signed up for a positive parenting course(middle years) as am full of self doubts about my parenting and IT DOES break your heart to see your children struggle with friendship and i've gotta say, girls can be particulary nasty out there.


I was going to say the 'reasons, seasons, lifetime' thing but Vicki has beaten me to it. Friends are not made overnight, they take some nuturing,and I think maybe we use the term 'friends' a bit loosely when what we really mean is playmates or something. Sarah will find she will have many friends over her lifetime and some will be short term, some will be there in her hour of need, and others will there even when she is an old woman. Some she will have to nuture and others will always be there even if they rarely see one another. Friends also come in different categories such as class buddies, sport buddies, work buddies, the ones whom you 'coffee' with, scrapbook buddies, ones you go out to dinner with, family friends........the list goes on and on. The learning experience of friendship is not a quick lesson. I look back on my daughter's birthday party friends and realise that most of those from the early days have gone by the wayside but she still has some very strong friendships with girls from Intermediate, High School and University days.
New schools, new classrooms, new activities will bring her new friends or buddies, some of whom will be around for the long haul and some who will be special for only a short time. Hopping off my soapbox now!!!

liz Hicks

gonna come back n post again but you have made a little lump in my throat and would love to quote ya when i get my new blog up n running! xxx will share more soon xx

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